He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
