So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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