I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had to cum in my sink.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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