mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
