Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
