Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
