There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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