wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
