ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
