1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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