Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
