OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
