Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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