it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
