It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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