would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
