i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
