...so i touched it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
