my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
