If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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