The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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