I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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