capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
