Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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