Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
