first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
