be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
