Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the condom got lost in my hair
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
