Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
