I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize