I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
