This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
