He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it because I queefed?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
