My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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