I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
