WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
