You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
