You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
