yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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