it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
