i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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