Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
