why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
