She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
