So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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