Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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