I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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