I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
