i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
