I showed him my bush... on skype.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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