At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
