You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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