Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
