I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
