mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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