so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
