if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
