its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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