I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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