If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
