i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
