He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
