____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
