Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
