Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
