if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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