I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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